


Addicted to the feeling

by Hatchico



Series: Shizaya one-shots [23]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug-Induced Sex, Happy Ending?, M/M, Obsessive Behavior, Rehabilitation, Underage Drug Use, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:00:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25396543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hatchico/pseuds/Hatchico
Summary: Izaya has always been addicted to Shizuo, he craved things that weren't good and he would use others as a crutch to feel in control one way or anotherOrIzaya getting addicted to drugs cause of Izumii and Shizuo helps him later on
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya, Izumii Ran/Orihara Izaya
Series: Shizaya one-shots [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1352053
Kudos: 33





	Addicted to the feeling

**Author's Note:**

> I got inspo from this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulfeM8JGq7s&list=RDulfeM8JGq7s&start_radio=1

Izaya was never one you would call a normal child. At least not in high school, one could go as far as to call him a problem child but he wasn't always like this. He was an average person who grew up comfortably. Sure his parents weren't around as much and he had to learn how to take care of himself at a younger age. Now don't get him wrong his parents didn't leave him all by his lonesome and did hire nannies to take care of him until his early teens but then they had Mairu and Kururi and while the nannies were still around they only stayed until they were ready to go to school leaving Izaya to have to raise them himself.

He didn't mind though and it really wasn't that much difficult he basically just copied what the nannies did.

It was middle school when something changed in him, he was no longer content with his mundane life and wanted to be more than just an average nobody. Maybe he was influenced by Shinra just a smidge but really the only thing he could really say is that Shinra gave him that final shove to become what he is today. So when Shinra too a knife for him he didn't hesitate to take the blame, wanting to see how people's perspective of him would shift if it spread what he had done.

But Nakura, poor sweet Nakura would forever regret that day especially when Izaya laid his sights on him. Of course, Izaya had to punish him for what he did in some way and he took immense pleasure in psychologically damaging the boy until he was scarred for life and was forever under Izaya's thumb.

Things changed when he went to high school, with his infamous status carried over to Raijin academy people automatically were intimidated by him. It was interesting how humans were so easily swayed to feel a particular way to a person they had never met before but that was the beauty of his newfound life. He reveled in the challenge of having to charm people to like him and when they were no longer of any interest he simply disposed of them like he never knew them to begin with.

Then one day he was met with someone new, with bright blond hair that stuck out like a sore thumb, a warning to stay away.

Izaya wanted to get to know him, he wanted to know everything about him, and when he was satisfied he would throw him away like the rest.

That was the original plan but this person was different.

Shizuo Heiwajima was different.

Shizuo saw through him in an instant and was quick to attack him giving him barely enough time to get out of the way.

At that moment Izaya knew he was ~~obsessed~~ in love.

The way Shizuo looked at him, how his focus was solely on him had Izaya feeling absolutely over the moon. In that moment he vowed to make sure Shizuo's attention would be only on him.

Forever

While Shizuo saw what they had as a simple rivalry with nothing but pure hatred Izaya saw so much more. He saw passion and a warped sense of affection that bounded the two together like two threads in the same stitch. Shizuo was the first person to see through Izaya's mask and didn't even try to sympathize with him. Instead, he vowed to kill him which Izaya returned the sentiment verbally. But he never truly meant it which he hopes Shizuo will realize someday.

For now, he was content with what they had. After all, he reveled in the idea that his very image was burned into the other's head and wanted every waking moment of Shizuo's mind to be plagued by thoughts of him just as he was with Shizuo's.

It wouldn't be for a few years that Izaya would grow frustrated that thoughts of Shizuo still festered in his mind like an incessant fly buzzing pass one's ear. It drove him insane but he couldn't back away now. He was too much of a coward to completely give up everything he and Shizuo had.

That's when he met Ran Izumii. A man that was similar to him in the sense that they were both cowards. They didn't love each other, in fact they didn't even like each other all that much but there was mutual respect between the two which is why Izaya began seeking Ran out as a sort of distraction. Ran often smoked and one day offered Izaya one and well Izaya didn't mind giving it a try. 

The burn of the smoke was soothing in a sense but did nothing to soothe the ache he had for Shizuo. He went to inhale it again but Ran snatched it away before he could do so.

"Something on your mind Orihara?"

Ran never called him by his first name, saying something along the lines as they weren't close enough to be at that stage and well Izaya could care less if he were honest. But this was a bit different, Ran actually seemed concerned which made Izaya unconsciously bite his lip. Was he really that obvious that even Ran could see that something was up?

"Just stuff on my mind. You know how it is don't you?"

"Is it Heiwajima again?"

"Ah? Why would it be Shizu-chan?"

"Because it's always him. Just because I don't respond when you talk about him doesn't mean I'm not listening. You got some sort of crush or something?"

"Well if you've been listening you'd know how much I loathe him."

"Perhaps. But then why do you always bring him up? You hate him and want him dead right? Yet you have so many people apparently at your beck and call and yet he's still around. Either you're not trying hard enough or you don't actually want him dead."

Izaya laughed at that, "You're not supposed to be this way. Shouldn't I be the one prying into your affairs? Like how you beat your precious brother out of jealousy."

"I have a little more nuance than just that. Besides you know all there is to know about me apparently yet you still come back. Can't help being a little curious."

"Talking to you is just something to pass the time I guess."

"So I'm a distraction for Heiwajima." 

He blinked back his surprise and before he could respond Ran gripped his face quite harshly.

"Listen Orihara if you're going to use me at least have the balls to be upfront about your intentions!"

"I love it." Izaya finally blurted out

"Huh?! What the hell are you talking about now? You're so vague sometimes spit it out or stop wasting my time."

"I love what I have with Shizu-chan. I also hate that I love it and wish that this feeling would just go away. I can't talk to Shinra, I refuse to listen to him ramble on about how I must be in love with him...there's no way, I love humans and he's nothing but a monster!"

Izumii eyed him for a few moments before finally letting him go, he knew that some parts were lies but hell he wasn't going to pry anymore than what he already did. Izaya was a mess of a person but so was he.

"What if I can help you get over him, or at the very least help with your feelings."

"I...don't know what you could possibly do for me."

"You're a very lonely person." He stated, watching the way that Izaya shifted uncomfortably while keeping a straight face

"You need something to combat that loneliness which is why you enjoy having Heiwajima around. But with this, you won't need to anymore," he said before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a baggy of plain white pills.

"Opioids? Really now? Offering a poor highschooler like me drugs to get me hooked now aren't we?"

He shrugged, "Not like you have to. You can certainly find other ways to deal with this problem."

Izaya didn't respond simply raising his hand waiting for him to drop a pill into his palm. Izaya would not take the pill there and then but he would slide it in his pocket and when he was alone in his bedroom he would stare at the pill for what felt like hours before finally deciding to take it in the privacy of his bathroom. Nothing would happen for a good while but soon enough he felt comfortably numb.

After that, he started slowly coming back for more. He told himself that once he finally got rid of Shizuo he would stop using these but not even he was fooling himself. Nobody but Ran knew of his growing addiction, not even Shinra who seemed a bit concerned at the fact that Izaya seemed a bit loopier than usual. But Izaya was careful to keep his dirty little secret under wraps for the time being and he fell right back into routine like nothing changed.

He still harassed Shizuo and did everything he could to make the other's life a living hell but now he wasn't plagued with the feelings that came with it.

Months seemed to fly by and he didn't know what happened between then and now but he somehow had his lips wrapped around Ran's cock. They were in his room with Ran's brother somewhere out of the house. Ran didn't care to ask and Izaya could always find out later through one of his contacts. Aoba was probably doing something for his little gang, the blue squares he thinks it's called.

He was keeping tabs on it as the gang could be useful to him in the future one day but right now he had to focus on bobbing his head up and down on Ran's cock. Ran didn't say anything simply had his hands resting on the bed as he let Izaya pleasure him at whatever pace he saw fit.

There was no love between them so when Izaya pulled his pants down and straddled the other he felt nothing else. No, not even when Ran kissed him deeply to distract him from the burn of his cock breaching past his opening and filling him up in a way he never experienced before.

This was just sex, the only thing he felt was pleasure as Ran forced his hips up and down going faster the closer he got to cumming.

Maybe at one point, he had some sort of affection towards Ran but never love. At this stage in his life, he was more focused on becoming a god, and Ran was just another stepping stone to achieving that goal.

As long as the other continued supplying him with the neurotics he would keep him around.

He didn't want to admit that he had grown dependent on the drug just to get through the day but it was true. 

Izaya didn't care though, he always clung to his bad habits and this wasn't any different. He liked how it made him feel completely in control of himself. His emotions would never cloud his judgment again and he wouldn't have it any other way. 

It wouldn't be for years later when he would be an adult when his little addiction would get out to the person who drove him to this point.

At first, Shizuo was disgusted calling Izaya a druggy among other insults but then he couldn't help but begin connecting the dots even though Izaya would rather he just drop the matter entirely.

He would confess how many years he had been on these when Shizuo had him pinned to the wall threatening to have him thrown into rehab if he didn't.

After that Shizuo wouldn't seem to leave him alone, he even got Shinra and Celty involved who he knew ~~were concerned~~ only pitied him which is why they kept him under a watchful eye to ensure that he would stop with his drug abuse.

But Izaya knew he was ~~sick~~ okay and he didn't ~~want~~ need any help but they were insistent.

He knew Shinra was the type to beg but he never thought he would see Shinra begging him to stop doing this when he used to always encourage his other less than healthy behavior.

Izaya slowly but surely eased off the drug, but it was hard when withdrawal started to kick in. He ~~wanted~~ needed to take more but with Shizuo suddenly living with him and hovering over his shoulder practically at every waking moment he just couldn't. It was hard to move past that stage in fact it was pure agony but when his mind was finally clearing up after the years of being clouded by the drugs he was disgusted with himself.

That's when he broke down in the arms of the man who disrupted their status quo and seemed to always see through his lies although he guessed it took Shizuo awhile to see through this one. After all, Izaya even had himself fooled at one point.

Izaya would sob into Shizuo's chest, telling him how much he hated him for making him feel the way he does. He hated that he loved Shizuo and wished that he had never met him.

Shizuo just held him tightly through his broken sobs and when it finally slowed to simple hiccups Shizuo finally spoke.

"You're an idiot. You ruined my life just to keep me in yours. You're sick, twisted and you truly do need help. But damn it Izaya if you think I'm going to allow you to fall back into old habits you're damn wrong! I can never forget what happened in the past but you know what? I'm going to be selfish for once."

He said right as he tilted Izaya's head to look up at him, although everything was still blurry from his tears Izaya could see the determined look in Shizuo's eyes before he stated,

"You ruined me for everyone else. So you're finally going to take responsibility and start loving me more than your precious humans."

When Izaya didn't respond for a solid minute he saw the hesitation in Shizuo's eyes and that's what snapped Izaya back to reality and quickly crash their lips together in a ferocious kiss.

It was filled with hate, confusion, sorrow, and love.

They weren't healthy for each other but that was okay.

All that mattered was that Izaya finally had Shizuo while Shizuo finally had someone he could love without fear.

With Izaya's twisted love reciprocated he would never let the other go.

After all, he vowed to have Shizuo's attention be only on him

Forever 

**Author's Note:**

> I was planning to write a hurt/comfort fic but it turned into this lol


End file.
